I was born and grew up in Nigeria.
At the age of 18, I moved to America to continue my University Education. After working hard for 3 University degrees, I moved to Nigeria at 27 years old.
I will refer to Nigerian parents a lot. Think of their age as upper 50s and above, because by that age, their children would be over 21.
I am also employing generalization when I refer to Nigerian parents. Keep that in mind.
Many Nigerian young adults will agree that many Nigerian parents are experts at raising children, instilling great morals, impressing the importance of a good education. I have to say that because Nigerian parents have emphasized education so much, many of us are highly educated, well behaved, and have achieved very high positions in industries and high statuses in society. That must be said. It was as if, 30 - 40 years ago, Nigerian parents had a conference and all agreed to send their children to the best schools, so that whenever you hear of Nigerians in North American and European companies, they are usually smarter and more intelligent than the average person. Well done Nigerian parents.
Here's where they have fallen short
Where the Nigerian parents fall short is adjusting to their children when those children turn 18 years old or 21 years old. In every conversation, the parents still speak as if to tell these people whom most states around the world would consider adults.
I have done my research.
I was in it. For 25 years, on and off, I lived in Nigeria with my parents. I have been to many friends' homes, birthdays parties, and general get-togethers.
In my adulthood, 27 years to 35 years of age, I have spoken to many Nigerians in my age group about how their parents communicate with them. The results are 98% the same. My parents still treat me like a child. When I moved to Nigeria at 27 years old, it took me about 8 years (7 in Nigeria, 1 after I had moved to Canada) of serious efforts from me before my parents adjusted to now communicating to me as an adult.
Talking to me like a child vs. talking to me as an adult
As I began this article with, talking to me like a child is talking down to me. When I call, and mum and dad is of the mindset that they always have the answer, and they proceed to tell me what I must do, that is talking to me like a child.
Talking to me as an adult is when I call and present a situation, we all speak about it on the same level. We present our thoughts and perspectives equally. It sounds simple to write, Nigerian parents don't do it. This has caused many rifts between these two generations. It is a class system that permeates in the workplace and in governments, where just because someone is 15 or 25 years older, they must know more than the ones that are 15 or 25 years younger.
When I talk to some people about this, a few would agree and say, "Yes o, hmm, I am 45, and my parents still talk to me like I'm 15. Isn't that funny?" and they laugh.
But it isn't funny. It's not. It is a debilitating epidemic.
This epidemic is so pervasive that in every Nigerian movie, in a scene between parents and young adults, it's the same dynamic.
Over protectiveness
Many Nigerian parents can be over-protective. Because of "love" they shelter their children way too much. Not allowing them to go into the world by themselves. Not allowing them to go to clubs on Friday or Saturday nights. Overemphasizing studying, but not emphasizing arts and giving them a voice to speak amongst much older adults. Then when these children become 24 and start working, they wonder why their children have not grown the ability to comfortably speak with the Vice President or CEO calmly.
Sex
Nigerians do not talk about sex. Sex is not a regular part of regular conversation, yet when the children turn 30, they are quick to ask, "Why are you not married yet?"
Medical, Sex, and Behavioral Experts would agree that parents should make speaking about sex, sexuality, boyfriend/ girlfriend relationships a part of regular conversations around the house and on the phone. It should be normal. Nigerian parents have not developed the ability to make it normal. Sure they know how to talk about Education. They know how to talk about Jobs, and Career, Housing. But when it comes to condoms, contraceptives, being okay with their teenagers kissing, having sex and everything in between, they would throw religion and a quick bible verse in your face. This is not right. This is not mature.
There is a balance. But Nigerian parents have failed at reaching that balance.
