Financial Discrimination in Dating: The Pressure Men Face from Women

I’ve felt the weight of financial discrimination from women when it comes to dating. This isn’t your typical career advice post—it’s a raw, personal look at an issue that’s become impossible to ignore as I’ve moved through different phases of life.

When I lived in the U.S. for 10 years as a student, the pressure to prove my financial worth in dating wasn’t on my radar. Later, during seven years in Nigeria early in my career, I never sensed that my financial status was a deal breaker in relationships. But after moving to the Greater Toronto Area in Canada—where I’ve been for the last seven years—the dynamics shifted dramatically.

Here, there’s a palpable emphasis on a man’s income, job title, or financial stability as the primary measure of his dating worth. This expectation isn’t a new invention. It has its roots in the 1940s and 1950s, when social norms dictated that men were the breadwinners while women managed the home. Those roles created a lasting script that many still follow today—even though the economic realities have changed.

Recent research confirms this evolving landscape. A Pew Research Center analysis of Census Bureau data revealed that in 22 out of 250 U.S. metropolitan areas, including New York City and Washington, D.C., women under the age of 30 earn as much or more than their male counterparts. For example, in the New York City metro area, young women earn 102% of what young men earn, and in Washington, D.C., they earn 103%.  

This shift challenges the old narrative but hasn’t yet dismantled the traditional expectation that a man’s financial success defines his desirability. Men don’t control the broader economy. We aren’t the ones setting government policies, corporate decisions, or inflation rates. Our only tools are our education, our work ethic, and a bit of luck. Yet, when we fall short of an ever-rising financial ideal, judgment is swift and often harsh.

This disconnect between modern economic realities and outdated social expectations fuels a form of financial discrimination that many men face in dating. It’s time we reassess how we value one another—shifting the focus from bank balances to character and mutual respect.

Understanding these dynamics is crucial if we’re to forge relationships that are based on who we truly are, rather than outdated economic roles. I believe it’s time to open up a conversation about these issues and rethink the narratives that continue to shape our lives.